Thursday, October 30, 2008

Face Bigelow #80 - Bonus Check

This bailout money looks like it is well spent.... If you are on the hook to receive bonuses from the bailed out companies.

Bailed out banks ordered to reveal executive compensation.

I thought Wall street teaches us not to throw good money after bad, so why is it that the market is rallying when the government is the one throwing the money? Do we think that these investments can't go bad now that the feds (the regulators) are part of the institution? I'm really confused. To me it just looks like the federal government has now tied itself to the boat anchor these executives threw overboard.

Title: Bureau of Bailout
Big: Hey Victor. Here is your bonus check...
Victor: Bonus? I thought we almost went bankrupt last quarter?
Big: This is your bonus for getting that bailout money from the Bureau Of Bailout.
Big: Now we just have to figure out how to survive this quarter after we spent the money on bonuses. Will you ask BOB for our next installment? It could mean another bonus!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Face Bigelow #79 - Friendly reminder

Since it's was widely proven (in 2007) that Barrack Obama is not a muslim I find it hard to believe the number of e-mails I'm still getting that claim that he is. I think both candidates will do a good job and don't think it is in any of our interests to spread inflammatory lies. Don't believe everything you see on the Internet and help yourself avoid looking like a hate monger by using google and to look up stuff that seems too unbelievable to be true.

Title: Presidential Candidate
Big: Victor. Since you are running for president, I looked into your list of friends.
Big: It shows here that you have a friend who is a Muslim...? Could this be true...?
Big: Why yes. I've been good friends with a few Muslims for many years. My faith does not preclude friendships outside of my faith.
Big: We think that means YOU are a Muslim and unfit to run the country. Muslim! Muslim! Someone arrest him!!! He must be a traitor!!!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Face Bigelow #78 - R Word

It's time for some truth and a lot less of the avoiding blame game.

Title: Mr Treasury
Big: Housing numbers are bad. Really bad.
Big: The economy is at a point of "correction".
Victor: Doesn't negative growth mean "recession"?
Big: The current administration doesn't allow me to use that word so we are just seeing a "correction" for a few quarters.
Victor: Must be some new form of transparency in government...

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Face Bigelow #77 - Bad Debt

I understand making sure regular banks have capital and insuring deposits, but when we bail out investment banks and Wall Street companies that have serious financial problems is that really wise? Even if it hurts us all isn't it better to teach these firms and all their analysts who said everything was AAA a lesson? What message are we sending when we give them 75 billion one week, they throw a big party and ask for another 30 billion a few weeks later? Are we just covering an interest payment and making the problem even worse? What a mess.

Big: Victor, you are my closest friend. We are almost like family.
Big: I've maxed out all 75 of my credit cards and have gone underwater on the seven homes I own.
Big: Would you be willing to take over all of that bad debt so I can get back to the spending spree?
Victor: Sorry Big. I keep my finances balanced. You'll have to talk to the Bureau of Bailout. They'll take it over. They are already doing that with Wall Street.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Face Bigelow #76 - AIG vacation

Inspired by real world events where AIG is caught spending tax payer money on an extravagant retreat. That's what I typically do when I'm on the brink of bankruptcy, plan a five star vacation...

Big: Hey Victor. They bail out check is here.
Big: We are headed to California to spend some quality time deciding how to spend all the money.
Big: We can just wait out the crisis in style! No worries.
Big: Open bar, $600 rooms, everyone gets a massage... Crisis? What Crisis?
Victor: With the $85 billion from the government you could do this all winter. Great prep for your jail term...

Monday, October 6, 2008

Face Bigelow #75 - Haliburton 2.0

Title: War On Terror 2.0
Donald: We are on the trail of the WMDs (Wreckingballs of Massive Debt). The trail has brought us to the doorstep of Haliburton.
Donald: I suggest we bring in heavy artillery and storm the building. Mr. President, do you concur?
Big: I think it would be in everyone's best interest if we stepped back and talked with them first.
Big: In fact, here is a ten billion dollar contract so Haliburton can investigate this problem for us. Please go back to pinning this problem on Osama.

There is a typo in the cartoon and it's a pain to fix so I'm going to leave it. Sorry not that many people read this anyway.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Face Bigelow #74 - War On Terror 2.0

The more I hear, the stranger it gets.... Or is it just me?

Big: My fellow Americans. I've hired my good friend Donald to seek out and destroy these economic terrorists that have caused this financial crisis.
Big: He will also find the WMDs (Wreckingballs of Massive Debt) and destroy them. Donald, please give the American people an update on the situation.
Donald: We understand the Osama Bin Laden was originally working at a training camp in Countrywide where he trained many cells of economic terrorists.
Donald: We have not yet located the WMDs, but we feel confident that they will turn up soon. As for Bin Laden, he has since crossed the border into Pakieystan and we will find him soon...

Yes, the spelling was on purpose to show odd pronunciation the people in this administration use. It would be a sad day, but it wouldn't surprise me to see Donald chosen for this type of job. He already got to oversee a trillion dollars in waste, why not give him another 800 billion...?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Face Bigelow #73 - Bureau Of Bailout 2.0

I was pondering what it would take to get this flawed bill through the government and the results of my thoughts were not very positive. At least that's what I think our law makers will do. Any way you look at it the results are not going to lead to a positive outcome, it's just that some outcomes are less negative than others. What a mess.

Title: Bureau Of Bailout 2.0
Big: The Bailout Bill failed because no one wanted to spend that much money.
Big: We are going to try again to create a Bailout Bill that everyone can agree to.
Victor: What are you going to change?
Big: The only thing we can change... We are going to make it even larger so everyone can get their own pet projects attached to it.
Big: It's now the $720 billion bailout plan.
Victor: I should have seen that coming...


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Face Bigelow #72 - War On Financial Terror

All these scare tactics are getting very tiresome...

Title: War On Terror 2.0
Big: My fellow Americans. We will solve this financial crisis as soon as Congress agrees to my terms.
Big: We will go to war against terrorists in our financial institutions. We will be victorious.
Big: With the $700 billion and only with the $700 billion we will find and protect all Americans from these Wreckingballs of Massive Debt.
Big: These WMDs will be found and will be dismantled as soon as Congress agrees with this War on Financial Terror on Wall Street...
Victor: Uh Oh. I'm sensing a sequel...