Face Bigelow #84 - Blame Game

Transcript.
Big: It's all Clinton's fault.
Big: He changed the lending rules which lead to this entire mess.
Victor: Didn't you hold the presidency and a majority part for six years after Clinton?
Big: That wasn't enough to change those failed policies. He ruined everything. Now just look at the mess he created. What are we going to do? The world is going to end!
Big: Quick. Throw all the money overboard before we sink...
Victor: First things first. Let's stop with the policies of fear. Second, put the money bags away.

Face Bigelow #80 - Bonus Check

This bailout money looks like it is well spent.... If you are on the hook to receive bonuses from the bailed out companies.

Bailed out banks ordered to reveal executive compensation.

I thought Wall street teaches us not to throw good money after bad, so why is it that the market is rallying when the government is the one throwing the money? Do we think that these investments can't go bad now that the feds (the regulators) are part of the institution? I'm really confused. To me it just looks like the federal government has now tied itself to the boat anchor these executives threw overboard.

Transcript.
Title: Bureau of Bailout
Big: Hey Victor. Here is your bonus check...
Victor: Bonus? I thought we almost went bankrupt last quarter?
Big: This is your bonus for getting that bailout money from the Bureau Of Bailout.
Big: Now we just have to figure out how to survive this quarter after we spent the money on bonuses. Will you ask BOB for our next installment? It could mean another bonus!

Face Bigelow #77 - Bad Debt

I understand making sure regular banks have capital and insuring deposits, but when we bail out investment banks and Wall Street companies that have serious financial problems is that really wise? Even if it hurts us all isn't it better to teach these firms and all their analysts who said everything was AAA a lesson? What message are we sending when we give them 75 billion one week, they throw a big party and ask for another 30 billion a few weeks later? Are we just covering an interest payment and making the problem even worse? What a mess.

Transcript
Big: Victor, you are my closest friend. We are almost like family.
Big: I've maxed out all 75 of my credit cards and have gone underwater on the seven homes I own.
Big: Would you be willing to take over all of that bad debt so I can get back to the spending spree?
Victor: Sorry Big. I keep my finances balanced. You'll have to talk to the Bureau of Bailout. They'll take it over. They are already doing that with Wall Street.

Face Bigelow #75 - Haliburton 2.0

Transcript:
Title: War On Terror 2.0
Donald: We are on the trail of the WMDs (Wreckingballs of Massive Debt). The trail has brought us to the doorstep of Haliburton.
Donald: I suggest we bring in heavy artillery and storm the building. Mr. President, do you concur?
Big: I think it would be in everyone's best interest if we stepped back and talked with them first.
Big: In fact, here is a ten billion dollar contract so Haliburton can investigate this problem for us. Please go back to pinning this problem on Osama.

There is a typo in the cartoon and it's a pain to fix so I'm going to leave it. Sorry not that many people read this anyway.

Face Bigelow #73 - Bureau Of Bailout 2.0

I was pondering what it would take to get this flawed bill through the government and the results of my thoughts were not very positive. At least that's what I think our law makers will do. Any way you look at it the results are not going to lead to a positive outcome, it's just that some outcomes are less negative than others. What a mess.

Transcript:
Title: Bureau Of Bailout 2.0
Big: The Bailout Bill failed because no one wanted to spend that much money.
Big: We are going to try again to create a Bailout Bill that everyone can agree to.
Victor: What are you going to change?
Big: The only thing we can change... We are going to make it even larger so everyone can get their own pet projects attached to it.
Big: It's now the $720 billion bailout plan.
Victor: I should have seen that coming...


Transcript

Face Bigelow #72 - War On Financial Terror

All these scare tactics are getting very tiresome...

Transcript:
Title: War On Terror 2.0
Big: My fellow Americans. We will solve this financial crisis as soon as Congress agrees to my terms.
Big: We will go to war against terrorists in our financial institutions. We will be victorious.
Big: With the $700 billion and only with the $700 billion we will find and protect all Americans from these Wreckingballs of Massive Debt.
Big: These WMDs will be found and will be dismantled as soon as Congress agrees with this War on Financial Terror on Wall Street...
Victor: Uh Oh. I'm sensing a sequel...

Face Bigelow #70 - Bureau Of Bailout - Kalifornya

During this financial crisis California finally passed a $103 Billion California State Budget. It dawned on me that the amount they are requesting to bail out these financial firms is almost six times the budget of the worlds sixth largest economy! It's like trying to think of the distance from hear to the nearest neighbor galaxy. You just can't fathom the amount. This just can't be right...?

Transcript:
Title: Bureau Of Bailout
Big: Okay, Okay. The crisis was a big ruse to get my house in the Hamptons and make sure my Goldman shares didn't disappear.
Big: But now I have this extra $600 billion to deal with. What to do? What to do?
Big: Wow, look at that! California just signed a $103 billion dollar budget and they are having all sorts of financial problems...
Big: Victor! Get Schwartzie on the phone. I want to see if he'll sell Kalifornya for $600 billion?
Victor: Or maybe we'll just call it a bailout..?

Face Bigelow #69 - Bureau Of Bailout - Credit Card Debt

Transcript:
Title: Bureau Of Bailout
Debtor: This Gucci purse didn't last as long as I thought it would and now I have $35,000 in credit card debt.
Big: But the purse still looks new.
Debtor: It is, but it went out of style after two weeks.
Big: Oh, now I see. That does sound like fraud. Here is a $35,000 bailout check.
Debtor: Great. One more thing. Can you make it out for $35,404? I need a new iPhone and a Latte...
Big: My pleasure

Face Bigelow #68 - Bureau Of Bailout - Big Check

This is aimed at both Dick Fuld and Henry Paulson. I don't know much about Fuld, but I have liked Paulson so I don't really think he's bad I just don't like the whole bailout and I do think he has a big conflict of interest having probably lost a ton of equity in the dropping shares of Goldman.

Transcript:
Title: Bureau Of Bailout
Big: Next! Oh hey, my good friend Richard. How can I help you?
Richard: I lost the $700 million I made selling bad mortgage debt.
Big: You came to the right place and used the right buzz words. Mortgage and Debt. After buying a house in the hamptons and bailing out my own Goldman shares I have some money left over for you.
Big: Here's a check for $700 Million. Stop back again if you run into more trouble...
Richard: Wow, that was easy! I guess I can get that new yacht after all...

Face Bigelow #67 - BOB - Bureau Of Bailout

Uh oh, I can feel a landslide of comics coming down the pipe. Looks like the dam built up after the vacation has burst...

Transcript.
Title: Bureau Of Bailout
Big: Now that I have the $700 billion bailout fund, I think The Bureau of Bailout needs a new office.
Big: Hey kid. How much for the office building?
Kid: Well, I have an ARM (Adjustable Rate Mortgage) on it for $1.2 million that is set to adjust next month.
Big: Perfect. I can bail you out and get the office at the same time.
Kid: I'll take it and throw in a free lemonade for only $6.00.
Big: BOB is open for business, who's first?

Face Bigelow #65 - Mortgage Solution

Wow, it has been a long time since I've done one of these. That must have been a good vacation because I wasn't inspired by any of this sort of news for such a long time. The other day a friend asked me about it and I said I just hadn't had any inspiration lately. His response, "What!!!???, Are you kidding, in this environment...". After I thought about it a little I this one came to mind. I'm not sure I really have the time to start this back up again, but I'll try to do one once in a while for the rest of the year. Maybe try to get to 100...?

Transcript:
Big: Hey Victor, I've figured out a way to solve the mortgage crisis.
Victor: Great, what is it?
Big: We create a new Bureau of Bailout. It will only cost $700 billion to setup.
Victor: ??!!??
Big: Anyone who gets swindled. (caugh) by my friends (caugh) will automatically get their money back.
Victor: Except of course the American tax payer..?